as you may have read, im on the tail end now of a horrible situation with a "friend". its been alright this last week and a half. its not been on my mind. until last night.
after making a sarcastic comment about claire (its expected of me at times), paul piped up, and i quote
"you and her will never be friends again. you may as well not bother"
it brought to mind various chains of thought. firstly, although i have been in a right funk about the whole thing its not nice to hear that i've outright lost a friend forever. in my frustration i still felt we would be hanging out again one day.
Second. the fact that paul said this is either (a) ignorant of the fact that she may have feelings on the whole matter that she could really only express to me alone or (b) she has expressed to him more than he's letting on and it kinda leaked out in his tactless statement.
It's my belief that there are ideas in pauls mind that having me out of Claires life means he can take pride and place as claires closest male friend, settling himself in closer than is safe for the relationship. i've been there. she does somehow inspire that in men.
i was happy after talking this out with Shazia at work. She herself raised the idea of me being usurped. its more believable knowing that an objective and very neutral standpoint like hers could asess it like that.
beyond all that, there are people leaving gadget shop next week to pastures new. shazia is one of them. i'll miss her, she's dead canny like.
got to see my old friend Jamie last night. its nice he still takes time to gather his old college friends. A lot of people who've met him through me have given him a bad rap and its Sooooooo undeserved.
Seeing dave tonight. he's come back up from nottingham for his dads birthday and has taken time out to come see his bezzie mate. dave also rocks.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Claire Davidson can kiss my arse....
this was the e-mail she sent:
"will you just leave it eddie when i said i wanted some space what exactly did you take that to mean i will come to you when i'm ready your constant messages emails phone calls are only adding to all this i am sick of the pressures you put on people who are supposed to be your friends and i need some time away from that so just give it a rest you're only making this worse."
2 phone calls, 1 email and 3 messages is not, in my opinion, constant as she so puts it, especially over a week and a half period. She never actually uttered the words to me "i need some space", that was something those around her suggested i do. She states that i place unecessary pressures on friends/people. She has'nt made it clear that she is feeling pressured but makes out that i make it difficult for more than just her. Yeah i piss off my mates sometimes, but i dont think its her place to assume i inspire this sense of pressure in all my friends. in another way it sounds like she's in some way fighting their corner. Is she trying to rub my nose in something?
"im only making this worse" thats a doozy. making what worse exactly. she hasnt told me what the problem is and refuses to talk to me. this means i have to establish all on my own what room to manouver i have (hence phone calls and messages).
her silence is the worst part.
i think its a horrible show of disrespect. She is showing no respect for me as a person or our friendship. She is being very childish in ignoring the issue completely.
i have friends telling me that i say these things cos because im feeling such and such an emotion. i'll be honest. i miss her not being around and it does sting at times but if im feeling it theres no way im not gonna express it. thats just stoopid
"will you just leave it eddie when i said i wanted some space what exactly did you take that to mean i will come to you when i'm ready your constant messages emails phone calls are only adding to all this i am sick of the pressures you put on people who are supposed to be your friends and i need some time away from that so just give it a rest you're only making this worse."
2 phone calls, 1 email and 3 messages is not, in my opinion, constant as she so puts it, especially over a week and a half period. She never actually uttered the words to me "i need some space", that was something those around her suggested i do. She states that i place unecessary pressures on friends/people. She has'nt made it clear that she is feeling pressured but makes out that i make it difficult for more than just her. Yeah i piss off my mates sometimes, but i dont think its her place to assume i inspire this sense of pressure in all my friends. in another way it sounds like she's in some way fighting their corner. Is she trying to rub my nose in something?
"im only making this worse" thats a doozy. making what worse exactly. she hasnt told me what the problem is and refuses to talk to me. this means i have to establish all on my own what room to manouver i have (hence phone calls and messages).
her silence is the worst part.
i think its a horrible show of disrespect. She is showing no respect for me as a person or our friendship. She is being very childish in ignoring the issue completely.
i have friends telling me that i say these things cos because im feeling such and such an emotion. i'll be honest. i miss her not being around and it does sting at times but if im feeling it theres no way im not gonna express it. thats just stoopid
Monday, November 15, 2004
Radio on the TV
I watched a a very warming film last night. The film Is called 'Radio' and it stars Cuba gooding jr and Ed Harris. Its a simple story. A mentally handicapped man in a small American town being accepted by the staff and students of his local high school and then the town as a whole.
Its based on a true story. i took this and went to find what i could find on the internet. James robert kennedy (nicknamed radio) and coach harold jones have their own website. i intend to e-mail radio because his story really touched me and Coach jones, as radio's surrogate "father" for 30 years, comes across as one of the good men in the world we all feel we could be at times.
Go watch the film
Its based on a true story. i took this and went to find what i could find on the internet. James robert kennedy (nicknamed radio) and coach harold jones have their own website. i intend to e-mail radio because his story really touched me and Coach jones, as radio's surrogate "father" for 30 years, comes across as one of the good men in the world we all feel we could be at times.
Go watch the film
Friday, November 12, 2004
back to basics
Angry: at uppity customers, my pension money still not coming through.
upset: at friends who find it easier to believe that im rotten to the core, that my friend cancelled another friday night on me
happy: that its friday, my mini airzooka arrived.
anxious: that Claire may never speak to me again
Watch run ronnie run. its well mega!
upset: at friends who find it easier to believe that im rotten to the core, that my friend cancelled another friday night on me
happy: that its friday, my mini airzooka arrived.
anxious: that Claire may never speak to me again
Watch run ronnie run. its well mega!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
How may i help you....
I REALLY like my job.
After spending a year training to be a counsellor, it has been disheartening for me to not be accepted to finish the training off. Im very thankful that the job i am in now lets me use my skills and talents. At the end of my spiel when answering the phones, i always end with "how may i help". i like helping and saying that gives me a fuzzy glow inside that i've never had in previous jobs and never expected to gain from this one.
i had a customer today who had a complaint. after listening to her and getting her through the worst of what she had described, i offered what help i could (numbers addresses blah blah blah) and at the end of the conversation the customer said "thank you for taking the time to listen to me". That made me feel tons better than i have in the past week.
On other matters. She doesnt deserve a friend like me. you know who i mean
After spending a year training to be a counsellor, it has been disheartening for me to not be accepted to finish the training off. Im very thankful that the job i am in now lets me use my skills and talents. At the end of my spiel when answering the phones, i always end with "how may i help". i like helping and saying that gives me a fuzzy glow inside that i've never had in previous jobs and never expected to gain from this one.
i had a customer today who had a complaint. after listening to her and getting her through the worst of what she had described, i offered what help i could (numbers addresses blah blah blah) and at the end of the conversation the customer said "thank you for taking the time to listen to me". That made me feel tons better than i have in the past week.
On other matters. She doesnt deserve a friend like me. you know who i mean
Saturday, November 06, 2004
One moment please....
Started my new job on thursday. not much was done that day. I had to read various policies and training packs. Friday was when the actual real work started. I just deal with the orders for now. its obscene exactly how many credit card numbers come my way. if i were'nt such a consciencious fellow i could scam loads o people.
the last phone call of the day was an order that ultimately had to be screenec for fraud, i felt a bit bad about informing the nice lady on the phone that this was to happen.
Unfortunately i have my friend ignoring me and not knowing is becoming all the more frustrating. i dont too much like it when this situations arise. maybe its time to cut my losses.
the last phone call of the day was an order that ultimately had to be screenec for fraud, i felt a bit bad about informing the nice lady on the phone that this was to happen.
Unfortunately i have my friend ignoring me and not knowing is becoming all the more frustrating. i dont too much like it when this situations arise. maybe its time to cut my losses.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Go Go gadget job
Wahey! everything's coming up eddie.
I got me a message yesterday telling me if i ring the gadget shop they would have a job for me. which they did. only temporary for xmas but what the hell, i can be applying to other employers while im there and i get to spend money on people for christmas. Its customer service work which means i may well have to deal with idiots on a regular basis but i can get by in the satisfaction that im better than some of these idiots.
I got me a message yesterday telling me if i ring the gadget shop they would have a job for me. which they did. only temporary for xmas but what the hell, i can be applying to other employers while im there and i get to spend money on people for christmas. Its customer service work which means i may well have to deal with idiots on a regular basis but i can get by in the satisfaction that im better than some of these idiots.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Mr Me shines umpteen things clean
In taking time to get my mind off certain situations, i went out and tended to the kitchen in probably the most loving way i ever have. i even managed to scrub the perma-rust off one of the woks, which i can never be arsed to do. so come peeps, try and really fuck me off, i got a bedroom and living room to tidy
The theme from national lampoons vacation kicked just before i finished the sentence before this and a bubble of calm energy has enveloped my. its nice when songs do that. its like they know
The theme from national lampoons vacation kicked just before i finished the sentence before this and a bubble of calm energy has enveloped my. its nice when songs do that. its like they know
Monday, November 01, 2004
Fume seeth and other such reactions
not loads inclined to be a two-a-day-er but i gotta rant people.
I am lots angry at the fact that one of best friends thought best to ignore me last night rather than explaining to me what what problem she had with me. im not in any understanding what her problem is so i cant say that she's wrong or anything, but she has in no uncertain terms explained that she needs to decide whether she WANTS to explain the problem.
This fucks me off because
a) i have always made a point of expressing my dislike of her actions. i know she often doesnt wnat to hear them but she still has the ooportunity to understand and asses my opinion.
b) CHOOSING ignorance over discussing rationally WITH A BEST FRIEND shows and underlying lack of respect which i believed we did share. seems im wrong.
Happy Halloween folks
I am lots angry at the fact that one of best friends thought best to ignore me last night rather than explaining to me what what problem she had with me. im not in any understanding what her problem is so i cant say that she's wrong or anything, but she has in no uncertain terms explained that she needs to decide whether she WANTS to explain the problem.
This fucks me off because
a) i have always made a point of expressing my dislike of her actions. i know she often doesnt wnat to hear them but she still has the ooportunity to understand and asses my opinion.
b) CHOOSING ignorance over discussing rationally WITH A BEST FRIEND shows and underlying lack of respect which i believed we did share. seems im wrong.
Happy Halloween folks
Sunday, October 31, 2004
All Hallow's eve
For convenience of all invited, a friend threw her halloween party last night.
The effort made with the costumes this year was really quite amazing. We had me throwing my weight about as john shaft (all blacked up and everything i were). Batman came along to add to the crime fighting ensemble, dragging santa with him to spread the joy. Four men in togas turned up, jason Voorhies and his victim, three women dressed as cats, an octopus (in my reckoning anyway). and spongebob squarepants. It were a marvellous party.
The day on the whole was dampened somewhat by the attitude of two lady friends. One a really close friend who decided to ignore me all night, an unprecedented act. the other, a lovely women who cant seem to discriminate between honest, outright appreciation and male lusting.
The effort made with the costumes this year was really quite amazing. We had me throwing my weight about as john shaft (all blacked up and everything i were). Batman came along to add to the crime fighting ensemble, dragging santa with him to spread the joy. Four men in togas turned up, jason Voorhies and his victim, three women dressed as cats, an octopus (in my reckoning anyway). and spongebob squarepants. It were a marvellous party.
The day on the whole was dampened somewhat by the attitude of two lady friends. One a really close friend who decided to ignore me all night, an unprecedented act. the other, a lovely women who cant seem to discriminate between honest, outright appreciation and male lusting.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Highs and Lows
Its been quite an adventure in music today. Dan and i have reached, in our 1 year working together, a whole ten songs. this is divided into 3 particular sets and each one of them is as solid as they could ever be.
on a sad note Radio DJ John Peel Passed away yesterday. thats really quite sad considering his place in music history.
on a sad note Radio DJ John Peel Passed away yesterday. thats really quite sad considering his place in music history.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
mo fo
I thought i'd do the honourable thing and treat my guitar to a clean up, theres years worth of dead skin stuck to the neck and it just didnt look shiny anymore. taking off the age old strings seemed the right thing to do if i was to give the neck its full attention. lo and behold getting the strings back on again resulted in the complete breakdown of three of my strings. now i have to go and buy some and it aint something i can afford. Bi-atch
Thursday, October 21, 2004
two months later
I lied about that whole family tree thing. im nowhere near talking to any ancient relatives. I keep getting the same old tales from me da cos its not like you can look your parents in the eye and tell them you've heard it all before and its not getting any more interesting. I suppose i have my self to blame as well. im just a teensy weensy bit scared of meeting relatives on my dad's side of the family.
I did, as promosed to the world and myself, get round to writing and recording songs. I've managed to do that twice in the past week on my own. The others we're written and recorded with the help of my good friend and writing partner Dan. Altogether we have 5 songs recorded (we have way more) and are close to having our own EP (we're called stuffed monkey look out for us).
The last couple of months have also been a bit tarnished with behaviour from me that i can honestly say has been quite intolerable. I have managed to upset a very close friend. In summary, i lost my temper and invaded her personal space in a very aggressive manner. Things have changed slightly between us. I've not seen as much of her since the incident. We still chat, it's not like we alienate eachother but i have lost a certain something in her that i will have to work hard to attain again.
the other crap behaviour was aimed again at another female friend. Her story may come, it may not. i aint promising anything. either way, it were me being rubish again.
I did, as promosed to the world and myself, get round to writing and recording songs. I've managed to do that twice in the past week on my own. The others we're written and recorded with the help of my good friend and writing partner Dan. Altogether we have 5 songs recorded (we have way more) and are close to having our own EP (we're called stuffed monkey look out for us).
The last couple of months have also been a bit tarnished with behaviour from me that i can honestly say has been quite intolerable. I have managed to upset a very close friend. In summary, i lost my temper and invaded her personal space in a very aggressive manner. Things have changed slightly between us. I've not seen as much of her since the incident. We still chat, it's not like we alienate eachother but i have lost a certain something in her that i will have to work hard to attain again.
the other crap behaviour was aimed again at another female friend. Her story may come, it may not. i aint promising anything. either way, it were me being rubish again.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
The End.
At the time i have started this web log, i am coming to the end of my employment at hull city council's library services. Mt first proper job since leaving university 2 years ago and i gotta hand in my keys already. i've gotten over the fact that i am going to struggle financially for a while; i have yet to accept that im leaving my work colleagues behind. its been a rewarding ten months and i will be sad to say goodbye them. i dont reckon there'll be any tears come 3:30 on friday but it will be hard to drag myself away.
given that i've got all this free time coming up there are a couple of things i know i can get started on. My computer is finally up and running (not necessarily at optimum performance) and able to use for recording any songs i write and want to record. secondly, i intend to trace back my family tree, using my fathers paternal line. i gotta go talk to some old relatives first. ones i've never met before to!
given that i've got all this free time coming up there are a couple of things i know i can get started on. My computer is finally up and running (not necessarily at optimum performance) and able to use for recording any songs i write and want to record. secondly, i intend to trace back my family tree, using my fathers paternal line. i gotta go talk to some old relatives first. ones i've never met before to!
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